Friday, June 17, 2005

the clean-up

and then a fleckless folding wingsof
something more akin to unuvulated
grace firmaments inculcated waytéd
laceless licklustreful disemplaced em-
braces striated by road by parture by

damp prepossessing. It was thus but
shrags sourded: sycamore progeniture
has tried its progeny, ground ugly, wasted
shifting ash-leafed maple sative in this teasing
town. The blank that. Flocculent Southdowns littering

distract; hillside as just …, relationship
ass mistraction so sibilants weapon
yesterday’s ambient true course
fallen each runs on each curse
both sheep brained, infacund

....................................yet
both treatise as if heaven
slovens. How (without
remiss) to save - from
henceforth make
mere muck

promise?

7 comments:

Pris said...

Hi Ann Marie
Can you share what you're saying/doing through this passage, since most of the unfamiliar words aren't in my online dictionary. Is this meant to be a sound poem here aka C. Coolidge style? The copy and paste made the breaks strange, but you can sort out which section I mean..thanks. It would help me make a more useful comment.

unuvulated
grace firmaments inculcated waytéd
laceless licklustreful disemplaced em-
braces striated by road by parture by

damp prepossessing. It was thus but
shrags sourded: sycamore progeniture
has tried its progeny,

AnnMarie Eldon said...

Hi Pris
I use The Shorter Oxford Dictionary which is a rather large volume plus invent words

facund= eloquent
I made up infacund I think=not eloquent

flocculent=resembling wool

sative=planted/not native

shrag=a lopped off branch

sourd= to rise up - I made up sourded to rhyme almost with sordid

fleckless is a cross between fleck and reckless

wingsof= wings of that has been folded into one word wingsof

uvula - well you know that - unuvulated I made up meaning unexpressed by the throat - kept in the belly - unvioced from any meaningful part

wayted - kept not just waiting but weighty and on the way - kept alongside waiting

Southdowns are a breed of sheep

mistraction - a missed attraction, a kind of distractraction but misplaced/misused

the sheep are spots on the hills

two people become one which is a distraction which is a crossing of boundaries as if the landscape had become inside of them - the landscape muddled almost as if in a migraine attack - the town providing trees but parkland tress not wild trees - the town not helping their boundary damage - they become like the sheep - a brainless herd following each other into the trap despite whatever promises were made - they both on one level 'agree' to this - they treatise - treat-ise to rhyme with treat-eyes - they unconsciously make a treaty - land when it's befuddled like this becomes muck - they make muck - how do they get out of the muck and back into what they promised?

relationship becomes hissed - 'as' becomes 'ass' - whispers become weapon

The poem is simply setting the context for the real mess they are in - literally.

from muck to promise but heaven 'slovens' - from slovenly - actively slovens

Hope this helps.

Thanks for the time.

Pris said...

Thanks. I appreciate your taking the time to define the words:-) I'll print those out and come back to reread tomorrow. Off the puter for the night, right now.

Pris said...

Hi Ann Marie
I didn't want to leave you hanging. I'm having a reaction to an antibiotic so have been up most of the night and can't even think, today. I liked the way you framed the poem and used the unusual words to complement what you were saying. That's about as profound as I can get in my commment this morning:-)

21k said...

A fun, challenging mouthful of words, I appreciate it more each time I read it.

I would consider cutting the lustreful off of licklustreful.

This is my favourite bit:

It was thus but
shrags sourded:... ground ugly, wasted
shifting ash-leafed maple sative in this teasing
town. The blank that.

thanks.

deirdre

anders said...

the strange dry ice chill of post langpo.

like an arctic wilderness of snow, where even one cooking fire, is like an enormous grotto of hope.

AnnMarie Eldon said...

dear thread

thanks for all this f/back

I rewrote and audio'd it on my blog