Sunday, June 12, 2005

I have seen the Batman
a movie review of the new Batman movie in sloppy verse

No nightmarish memories
of Bat-Nipples
and the Bat-Credit Card.
No visions
of overreacting villans.

We meet billionaire
playboy Bruce Wayne
in - why not?
a Tibetan prison.

He meets a man named Ducard
who offers to turn him
into the ultimate bad-ass.
Of course he accepts.
Who wouldn't?

I lost the plot
here, when Bruce's
hair covered one eye,
uncovered my lust.
God, he's hot.

Bruce heads
back to his hometown.
Gotham City,
no longer the creepy berg
of the Burton movies
or the homoerotic neon wonderland
of the Schumacher catastrophes.

It's a city where people
might actually live and work
and starve and suffer.

With one exception,
everything in this flick
is top-notch.

(from the filmmakers
to the actors
to the collaborating
composers Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard)
is at the top of their game.

The one weak link
is Katie Holmes.

It's not like she's phoning
it in like Natalie Portman
in the Star Wars movies.
But she's miscast.

Holmes lacks
the edginess
that an assistant DA
of the criminal-infested
Gotham City would have.
I blame Scientology.

Her role is minor
and it doesn't detract
from a fantastic movie.

You don't have
to be a comic fan.

You don't have
to be a Batman fan.

You don't even have
to like superhero movies.

Anyone who likes movies
will appreciate this one
as a fine example
of good storytelling and filmmaking.

Two snaps in Z-formation.


Michael Parker said...

Thanks for the review, Birdie! I can't wait to see this film.

Ivy said...

I'm skipping this for now, as I don't want no spoilers! But I'll return (like Batman) once I've seen it.

Pris said...

Thanks from me, too, Birdie. Hey, they ought to get you to do reviews in the paper poetry style...waaay more interesting than the regular ones!

Birdie said...

This review is spoiler free!! Unless you don't want to know how much Katie Holmes sucks. Ha ha ha ha! I had fun writing the review, never wrote a movie review before, writing it in sloppy verse made it a fun thing.