Saturday, June 25, 2005

Memory of a Kiss

Did we squirm together,
          thou and I,
                    amongst these frayed sheets?

As morning heats into locomotion
          traffic, a rising crescendo,
                    penetrates amorphous dreams.

I forget the address now,
          but the bed was soft no doubt,
                    and clean enough.

Only weary from the constant traffic.
          The phrases uttered escape me now,
                    lost amid the clatter of sound
and chatter.

I sigh
and squeeze my ears to recapture
          a line or two
                    of what passed between me and you
in our tender mapping of the night,

but all that I can recollect
          is a soft burr of tongue,
                    hummingbird to honeyspot,
          and the nectar of your mouth.


©Rae Pater

14 comments:

keros said...

Hey Rae- this is quite phenomenal.

Rae Pater said...

Bloody hell! How did I post this hear?

Sorry, I thought it would go to my own page, but it showed up here instead?

Oh well .... lol
new poem I guess

I haven't touched it yet so it's probably not great

Rae Pater said...

oh shit, I meant to ask you if you minded me borrowing honeyspot from you before I posted it anywhere DQ?

Pris said...

Hi Rae
Very romantic. This is a bit of a style change for you, isn't it? That's one thing I enjoy about reading you...you always surprise me.

anders said...

That's really interesting to me. It is, I think, a use of the "thou" and "amongst" which really works in a way both nonironic and nonarchaic. The privacy of the poem is appealing. It is so personal that it speaks for many.

Rae Pater said...

I was reading The Pound Era this morning Pris, and reading some excerpts from Pound.
I don't know whether some of the rhythm of what I was reading crept in here, but this sort of popped out as I was reading.
I'm finding the book very difficult to read. I have to keep stopping to look up words like philological, not to mention all the classical references which are in (pressumably) Latin.
I think the book was written for university professors. It assumes the reader has a huge background of knowledge which I don't have, so I'm floundering to grasp some of it.
Whatever I'm reading always seems to creep into my writing in some way or other.

Hi Jack, thanks for your comment. I'm glad you said that because I've been using a little bit of that sort of language lately and a couple of people have said to me that it was out of place, but I don't really find it so.
I thought maybe it was just because I read so much classical literature at a young age that I didn't notice the sound,
but I like the clean precise elegance of it. That's how it seems to me anyway.
I was thinking of trying to mix some of that language with really modern street language, sort of in the rap style or something.
I think the rhythms and sounds would be very interesting together.

sb said...

I'm enjoying your work.

Technical hint -- I looked at page source, and I think you are not putting a space after your "nbsp;" -- try adding a space between that and your word.

... but I could be mistaken.

Rae Pater said...

Thanks sb, glad you enjoyed. I'll try what you suggested.

What does sb stand for?

sb said...

Ah, just initials/ nickname -- sharon brogan.

Rae Pater said...

hi Sharon, nice to meet you.

didi said...

Yesterday those symbols did not show up and now they are there.... Oh I know why I am viewing the blog today from Mozzilla.

d.

Rae Pater said...

There aren't any symbols when I look at it, it looks the same to me.
Does it look ok to everyone else?

(I seem to have sworn a lot on this thread, lol)

didi said...

It depends on the browser - on aol and explorer it is fine.

d.

sb said...

I use Firefox, and I see them. Weird.