Wednesday, March 22, 2006

'Round The Mulberry Bush (slight adj to stanza 3 &line brk in last stanza)

Like so many decisions, made in haste;
his hand on your arm, bidding you stay,
while the crazy bluebirds circle, crying
yes, yes, and the great willows bend
in the wind, moaning yes yes.

And so you lay your head next to his,
listen again to his lies, try to believe
those bluebirds and the willow trees
and the flash rain that comes, soaking
everything back to bright green.

Your body melts to the bed when he enters you,
whispering secrets only two lovers share, but
you know they all lie--the foolish bluebirds,
their feathers now like sharp glass, the two-timing
willows, even the greedy rain, and so you rest
pennies upon your eyes when he has finished, draw
a shroud up across your face.

You recite your prayers to the tooth fairy,
Romeo and Juliet, and the weeping lady
across the street,
knowing
tomorrow he will kill you again.

5 comments:

Michael Parker said...

Pris, I have commented on this elsewhere but I wanted to make myself known here. I do like this poem. I've said time and again you have gift for writing about the yearnings, longing, gains & losses of love, sex, and relationships. I think you would write excellent dramas.

666poetry-finchnot said...

i had a very lovely post
written up for this but
got frustrated when it wouldn't post

this poem has a musical cadence
to it
& tho it is sad truth
it still has a certain beauty to it

i hope you are well pris

~jennx

Pris said...

Oh Michael,
Yes, I know you must be so tired of commenting on this by now:-) but thanks
Finch, isn't it frustrating when you try and blogger not only won't post it but loses it? Thanks.

Terry Lucas said...

I like the direction the poem is moving in the first two and one half verses. Then midway in the third verse, we are jarred somewhat--a little too much, I believe, without being adequately prepared for those pennies. The phrasing is somewhat awkward there, as well.

I like the idea of the poem, however, so I'm sure you can work out the narrative arc as you tighten.

Pris said...

Hi Terry
I posted a reply to you earlier and now I don't see it, so it must not have 'taken'. At any rate, thanks for your observation. I did make a couple of smoothing word changes in that section and am taking another look, still. Thanks.