St. James Avenue has six corners
and runs down under James Street
for half a mile before it dog-legs
a mile south of the boulevard
where you left me
so long ago
the trolly no longer
stops at James,
any James,
any where.
REVISED:
PROGRESS
St. James Avenue has six corners
and runs down under James Street
for half a mile before it dog-legs
a mile south of the boulevard
where you left me
so long ago;
the trolly no longer
stops at James,
any James,
any where.
9 comments:
Hi Peggy
sad and cute poem! I like it.
Peggy, I love the shape of this poem! Wonderful angularity, and it mimics the streets in my mind. The use of "dog-legs" really struck me as fresh, especially at the end of the line.
The only thing that made me double back was the lack of punctuation between "so long ago" and "the trolley..." perhaps because everything to that point is one enjambed sentence, and the poem does have some commas and that final period. I'm not sure how you feel about semicolons, but just wanted to mention.
But this is SO minor. I'm dazzled by the repetition at the end of the poem--I feel the clack of the ghost trolley rolling along. Thank you for this!
Birdie,
Thank you. I'm glad you like it.
Mary,
Thank you for the punctuation notes. I revised and posted it with the semicolon.
I appreciate it much.
Peggy, I am really liking that semi colon! I know it is just the tiniest thing, but it shows the change in time without interrupting the poem's momentum. I've actually had this poem pop back into my mind over the past day. That's a sign of great poetry! :) Thank you!
Mary, the semicolon really did make it right, didn't it?
Again, thank you.
sb,
Thanks!
Peggy
I really like this.
Thanks, .!
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