Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Another One About Memory

You don't know
how to make up for it.
The many
unresolved assurances,
the ways we continue
to be helpless.
There’s such a thing
as courage,
being here just alive enough
to witness another sunset
as wide and beautiful
as the sunrise,
and memory as an antidote
to leaving things behind.


4 comments:

keros said...

"being here just alive enough
to witness another sunset
as wide and beautiful
as the sunrise"

Jill - This poem offered me a moment of melancholy, while sitting on a hill, between sunset and sunrise, pondering about life, relationships, and the overall human condition of the self. It is good when written work offers the reader a setting, a feeling, and a moment of connection. I find the lines I quoted above form bookend moments for the poem to penetrate inside and do its magic. The poem is also extremely thrifty with words, which I find fascinating, since it is harder to convey setting/feeling/connection with less words than more. I personally find long poems to be like a boring guest that has overstayed the welcome. Good poetry does not linger on the page for very long. It comes, it kicks your ass, and it goes away.
Good Job and Thanks for letting comment on your poem- DQ

keros said...

...I would just work the title a bit.

nate said...

Jill:

A few comments for your consideration:

You don't know
how to make up for it.
The many
unresolved assurances,
the ways we continue
to be helpless.

///I love these two lines. I might suggest "being helpless," as opposed to the former. Also, consider moving "being" up a line and leaving "helpless" by itself. I think it would create a nice effect of line.

There’s such a thing
as courage,
being here just alive enough
to witness another sunset
as wide and beautiful
as the sunrise,
and memory as an antidote
to leaving things behind.

///Wonderful little vignette, Jill. Enjoyed.

Jill said...

Thanks keros. I'm glad this poem works for you in that way. thanks for the deep comment. i'll work on the title some more.

nate, thanks. i'll think on your suggestion for "being". glad you liked this.