tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13358346.post116529797273140958..comments2023-10-10T11:56:24.878-05:00Comments on cafe' cafe': Aubade, tal vezAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08195202743154382432noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13358346.post-1165383524271412202006-12-06T00:38:00.000-05:002006-12-06T00:38:00.000-05:00Didi, Diego -- thank you both so much for your gre...Didi, Diego -- thank you both so much for your great comments and attention with this, particularly for pointing out clear errors (alba takes "el" instead of "la," should be "venimos," etc. I made use of a lot of your suggestions, and I like the present state of the poem after the changes.<BR/><BR/>Didi, I considered making the verb explicit ("es" and "son" as you did in your edit -- and as you did in your "verde" poem) but decided I wanted the less expressed approach I've used.<BR/><BR/>Diego, regarding "limpio y duro," this is describing "el aire," so singular and masculine. I know it may be a little confusing because of the line break, but there it is. I kept "conoceremos" (rather than "conocimos") because of its invocation of the future.<BR/><BR/>I don't want to turn this into a Spanish learning blog (and I've also asked a couple of friends offline for comments), so will leave it here. Again, my great thanks.Lyle Daggetthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10731915540520704368noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13358346.post-1165375683141997072006-12-05T22:28:00.000-05:002006-12-05T22:28:00.000-05:00Lyle I enjoyed this poem tremendously. You did a f...Lyle I enjoyed this poem tremendously. You did a fine job with the spanish. I lived in Spain a good part of my youth, and I couldnt put together something like this without a dictionary to tranlate my thoughts. I took the liberty to honor your request of "anyone else" looking over the grammatical stuff and here it is along with my comments:<BR/><BR/><BR/>roja el alba (even though "alba" sounds femenine, it is addressed by by "el" like you did with el dia)<BR/>roja que cante la mañana (add a "la" before manana)<BR/>roja la isla, rojo el día<BR/>que llegamos a la orilla poblada<BR/>de todos los vivientes y insurgentes (los before vivientes)<BR/>rojas las flores del mundo nuevo<BR/>rojas las hojas del libro que ya te di<BR/>rojas las palabras que ahora me hablas (hablas instead of hables)<BR/>roja la ezperanza de nuestros niños<BR/>aquí nos toca el viento de las colinas azules<BR/>el crepuscular ardiente de las rosas estrelladas<BR/>roja la calle rojo el polvo<BR/>por donde venimos llevando en el aire (venimos instead of venemos))<BR/>limpias y duras las banderas de color de la mañana (limpias y duras to describe the femenine "banderas")<BR/>rojo el limón y rojo el arroz<BR/>rojo el trabajo de mano rojo el descanso de corazón<BR/>roja la madre caminando en el río<BR/>rojo el padre sentado junto a la cuna<BR/>la clarinada del gallo bufón<BR/>la serenata plateada del ruiseñor soñador<BR/>el heraldo que grito a los amantes que se (se instead of les) despierten<BR/>roja la isla roja la ciudad<BR/>de salir y volver donde (donde "where" instead of de "of") nos encontramos<BR/>y nos conocimos (conocimos because you already know each other)<BR/>rojo el este el este de todas nuestras albas<BR/>rojo que te queremos rojoCSOChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08926466078905987563noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13358346.post-1165368684158360922006-12-05T20:31:00.000-05:002006-12-05T20:31:00.000-05:00(some edits below Lyle -- ))roja la albaroja canta...(some edits below Lyle -- ))<BR/><BR/>roja la alba<BR/>roja canta la mañana<BR/>roja es la isla rojo es el día<BR/>que llegamos a la orilla poblada<BR/>de todos vivientes y insurgentes<BR/>rojas son las flores del mundo nuevo<BR/>rojas son las hojas del libro que ya te di<BR/>rojas las palabras que me hablas<BR/>roja la ezperanza de nuestros niños<BR/>aquí nos toca el viento de las colinas azules<BR/>el crepuscular ardiente de las rosas estrelladas<BR/>roja la calle rojo el polvo<BR/>de donde venimos lleno en el aire<BR/>limpio y duro las banderas del color de la mañana<BR/>rojo el limón y rojo el arroz<BR/>rojo el trabajo de mano rojo el descanso del corazón<BR/>roja la madre caminando en el río<BR/>rojo el padre sentado junto a la cuna<BR/>la clarinada del gallo bufón<BR/>la serenata plateada del ruiseñor soñador<BR/>el heraldo que grito a los amantes que los despierten<BR/>roja la isla roja la ciudad<BR/>de salir y volver de nos encontramos<BR/>y nos conoceremos<BR/>rojo el este el este de todas nuestras albas<BR/>rojo que te queremos rojoAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08195202743154382432noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13358346.post-1165364675044672592006-12-05T19:24:00.000-05:002006-12-05T19:24:00.000-05:00Didi -- thanks, I fixed the error (it now says "la...Didi -- thanks, I fixed the error (it now says "la calle"). Reading it through again I also found I put a tilde in the wrong place in one word, which I also fixed, not sure if that was the other thing you spotted.<BR/><BR/>If there's anything else (Didi or anyone else) of course please do let me know, either errors in my imperfect Spanish or whatever else about the poem.<BR/><BR/>And thanks --Lyle Daggetthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10731915540520704368noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13358346.post-1165339596451415102006-12-05T12:26:00.000-05:002006-12-05T12:26:00.000-05:00Lyle this poem is very passionate - You have a typ...Lyle this poem is very passionate - You have a typo in that "the street" is not masculine but feminine. You should fix that if you get around to it. I think I saw one other typo but I will email you from home later when I find it again.<BR/><BR/>d.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08195202743154382432noreply@blogger.com